Translation of Poem by Zinaida Gippius, З. Гиппиус, "Нелюбовь," UNLOVE

 

Zinaida Gippius

(1869-1945)

 

З. Гиппиус

Нелюбовь

Как ветер мокрый, ты бьешься в ставни,
Как ветер черный, поешь: ты мой!
Я древний хаос, я друг твой давний,
Твой друг единый,- открой, открой!

 

Держу я ставни, открыть не смею,
Держусь за ставни и страх таю.
Храню, лелею, храню, жалею
Мой луч последний — любовь мою.

 

Смеется хаос, зовет безокий:
Умрешь в оковах,- порви, порви!
Ты знаешь счастье, ты одинокий,
В свободе счастье — и в Нелюбви.

 

Охладевая, творю молитву,
Любви молитву едва творю…
Слабеют руки, кончаю битву,
Слабеют руки… Я отворю!

1907

Poem dedicated to Z.V. (Z. Vengerova)

 

Literal Translation

Un-Love

Like a wet wind, you beat against the shutters.

Like a black wind, you sing: you’re mine!

I’m ancient chaos; I’m your old friend,

Your only friend—open up open up!

 

I hold onto the shutters, dare not open [them].

I hold the shutters and hide my fear.

I keep, cherish, preserve, pity

My final ray of light—my love.

 

The chaos laughs, the eyeless one calls:

You’ll die in fetters, break [them], break!

You know happiness, you are alone,

In freedom lies happiness—and in Un-Love.

 

Growing cold, I repeat a prayer,

Barely speaking, I say a prayer of love . . .

My hands grow weak, I give up the struggle,

My hands grow weak, I’ll open up!

 

d

Literary Translation/Adaptation by U.R. Bowie

 

Un-Love

Banging on the shutters, like a wet wind gust,

Singing like black winds of night, You belong to me!

Who am I? Your old chum Chaos, one who’s earned your trust,

Your only friend, so let me in, for I can make you free!

 

Holding tight, I clutch the shutters, dare not let them go,

Holding tight, can’t let them open, hold and hide my fear,

While in my soul on precious love my tenderness bestow,

Last ray of light, my love I cherish, hold forever dear.

 

Eyeless chaos laughs and chortles, chaos calls to me:

Don’t die in fetters, hapless one, break the bonds, burst out!

Loneliness means happiness, in solitude be free,

Un-Love is where your soul can romp and shout.

 

I pray a prayer of love, I weaken, try to hold on tight,

Tongue in twisted knots, I pray, pray to Lord above,

Clutching hands grow weak and feeble, I give up the fight,

My grasp I loosen, shutters open—here he comes: Un-Love!