Moods in Language, The Conditional, The Indicative

 

Moods in Language, Conditional, Indicative

“If only we hadn’t invented the conditional mood, we wouldn’t have to be constantly pondering alternatives.”

Frank and Ernest comic strip, May 13, 2020

 

But the conditional mood allows us to temper or soften the reality of certain unpleasantries. Our choice of words in the subtle way we use language does the same thing. Consider these beginnings of sentences and how their meanings differ from one another:

                “Were I to pass away today, then . . .”

                “Should I expire today, then . . .”

                “If I die today, then . . .”

                “If I croak today, then . . .”

 

Notice how use of the conditional mood places the possibility of one’s death at a further remove from reality than use of the indicative mood. When you say, “Were I to pass away” (conditional, with euphemism, “pass away”), you are putting the actual event at a distance from you. When you say, “If I die” (indicative, with no more softening euphemism), the actual possibility of your death is placed much closer to reality. Of course, “If I die” is an absurdity. “When I die” is the only reality.

Thus do we apply subtle distinctions in language usage to create protective barriers for ourselves against the workings of dire fate. At first glance you might think that the final example, using the word “croak,” is the most direct and non-euphemistic, but getting humor into an utterance is another way of distancing oneself from unpleasantries.

[excerpted from the book by U.R. Bowie, Here We Be. Where Be We?]