Poem by Bobby Goosey, "Elephantiasis"

 

Bobby Lee Goosey
 
A Warning Against Giving Pet Elephants Piggyback Rides, For This Practice May Lead to the                                                            Dread Disease of Elephantiasis
 

Wee little Tiatus had an elephant named Sialas,
Wee little Tiatus rode mounted on Sialas,
And sometimes, for fun, big ole Sialas rode Tiatus.
But elephant Sialas had elephantiasis,
And poor wee little Tiatus caught elephantiasis.
 
Take care and beware of dread elephantiasis,
Let us ride on their backs, let us walk them beside us,
But never, not ever let elephants ride us,
For when elephants ride us they cause elephantiasis,
This fact you can verify—ask poor wee sad Tiatus.
 
[from Bobby Goosey’s Compendium of Perfectly Sensible Nonsense]

Poem by Bobby Goosey, ABOUT GOUT

 

Bobby Lee Goosey

                                                                        About Gout

I cannot no more get about.
My big toe’s swollen up with gout.
This bout with gout results from stout,
Not scotch, not rum, not gin, but stout.
 
Drink vodka, friend, drink ale or flout
Indecency: drink beer, you lout.
But if you wish to get about—
Avoiding bouts with gout—not stout.
Eschew, avoid dark Guiness stout;
Precisely it occasions gout!
 
Tonight I’m drinking Rebel Shout,
Good Southern sourmash, no more stout.
My gout is up and strolls about,
It just walked out, my gout’s gone out!
The perfect cure for gout is Shout,
Thanks be to thee, sweet Rebel Shout
(Although it’s illegal these days).
 
[from Bobby Goosey’s Compendium of Perfectly Sensible Nonsense]

Poem by Bobby Goosey, LEGERDEMAIN

                                                   Hieronymus Bosch, THE CONJUROR

Bobby Lee Goosey

 

                                  Legerdemain

Abracadabra, hocus-pocus, I am the magic man,
Prestidigitation and no hesitation, the man of legerdemain,
Give me a rabbit; I’ll make you a rainbow,
Give me a lizard; I’ll make you a train,
Give me a bluebird; I’ll make you an airplane—So!
So goes the magic of legerdemain.
 
Abracadabra, hocus-pocus, I am the magic man,
Prestidigitation and no hesitation, the man of legerdemain.
Give me a cruel man; I’ll make him a halo,
Give me all frenzy and I’ll make it tame,
Give me insane souls and I’ll make them sane—So!
So goes the magic of legerdemain.
 
Abracadabra, you ask how I do it; you ask me, the magic man,
Prestidigitation without hesitation, with words and with legerdemain.
Give me a sound and I’ll make you a pearl—Lo!
Give me a letter, I’ll make you a flame,
Give me a word and I’ll make you a world—So!
So goes the magic of legerdemain,
The magic of words and of legerdemain.

[from Bobby Goosey's Compendium of Perfectly Sensible Nonsense]

Poem by Bobby Goosey, JENNY-JEN AND JENNIFER AND ME

                                                                   GPokorny on Pixabay

Bobby Lee Goosey

 

 

 

 

 

Jenny-Jen and Jennifer and Me

 

I like Jennifer and I like Jen;

Jenny-Jen and Jennifer are both my friend.

Jenny-Jen is two years old, Jennifer is three;

Jenny-Jen is my best friend; Jennifer is me.

Poem by Bobby Goosey, RAINBOW RAIN, RAINBOW SHINE

 

Bobby Lee Goosey

 

 

 Rainbow Rain, Rainbow Shine

 
It’s raining on the rainbow in my (my, my!) mind.
I fear the pot of gold is in a (bye-bye) bind.
What if the gold should rust beneath its (rye, rye) rind?
It’s raining on the rainbow in my mind.
 
It’s raining on the rainbow in my (my, my!) mind.
What if the colors run, become un- (lie, lie) lined?
I fear the green about the red may (why, why?) wind.
It’s raining on the rainbow in my mind.
 
It’s raining on the rainbow in my (my, my!) mind.
My eyes are blurred, the rainbow’s looking (be-, be-) grimed.
Hang on, don’t let the colors come un- (rhy, rhy) rhymed!
It’s raining on the rainbow in my mind.
 
Hooray! The skies are blue now in my (my, my!) mind!
The rainbow in my mind is unbe- (gry, gry) grimed.
I’m happy, thank you, God; you’re oh so (ky, ky) kind.
There’s sunshine on the rainbow in my mind (Thank God),
Just look at how that rainybow can shine!

[from Bobby Goosey's Compendium of Perfectly Sensible Nonsense]

Poem by Bobby Goosey, ME NEITHER

 

Bobby Lee Goosey

 

                                                                       Me Neither

It’s like this, see?:
Amos Otis hates Omis Atis, and
Omis Atis hates Amos Otis, see?
 
So: one day it’s like this here, see?:
Amos Otis meets Omis Atis and
Omis Atis meets Amos Otis, see?
Walking down the street I mean, see?
 
So: it goes like this, I mean, see?:
Ole Amos O. berates ole Omis A. and
Ole Omis A. berates ole Omis O., see?
 
Because it’s like this here, see?: Because
Amos Otis hates Omis Atis and
Omis Atis hates Amos Otis, see?
 
One thing that I just don’t get;
One thing that I’ll never see:
Why do the Otisis all hate the Atises,
And why do the Atises all hate the Otisis,
And why so much hatred in you and in me?
 
When there ought to be naught but love.
How come, huh?
Do you see?
No?
Me neither.
 
[from Bobby Goosey’s Compendium of Perfectly Sensible Nonsense]

Poem by Bobby Goosey, "The Pileated Woodpecker"

 

The Pileated Woodpecker

Come along with me, my friend, on the trail by the sea,

See the distant vistas, smell the pines and see the sea,

Let us sit us here a spell, have a little rest,

Here the pileated peckerwood has been known to nest.

 

Forget about the roilings of the feelings and the woes,

Smell the brine that nips the nostrils as the wind o’er oceans blows,

Why should we be bothered? Let life’s billows roil and fest,

For here the pileated peckerwood has been known to nest.

 

Sit and watch the sea with me, see with me the sea,

Let the moist winds dissipate your implacidity,

With a calm serenity make heart and soul affiliated,

Look! Look! A peckerwood! And he’s pileated!

Bobby Lee Goosey

Poem by Bobby Goosey, "Hoping for Token Sighs (A Benediction)"

 

Bobby Lee Goosey

Hoping for Token Sighs
(A Benediction)

My eyes are open,
Always open,
Ever and always open,
Ever and always and always and ever open,
 
My eyes are hoping,
Always hoping,
Ever and always hoping,
Ever and always and always and ever hoping,
 
Hoping your sighs will be
Not giant-sized,
Will be
Ever and always and always and ever be token.
 
My eyes are open,
Open and hoping,
Always open,
Ever and always hoping,
Hoping your sighs won’t be
Giant-sized sighs,
Will be
Never and ever be never be more than just token.

Poem by Bobby Goosey, GROWING

 

 

Bobby Lee Goosey
 
Growing

Are you a kid?
Have you got a big toe?
Have you ever thought to watch it grow?
 
Because it is growing, you know.
Every minute of the day.
And even in the nighttime while you sleep.
 
That toe’s growing. And your ears are too.
And your nose.
And every little hair on your head.
 
They’re all growing.
Every minute of the day.
And even in the nighttime while you sleep.
 
So why not sit down some time
And watch them grow?
You can use a mirror to watch your nose. Grow.
 
You say you can’t see anything growing?
You say nothing’s changing?
You say your nose and toes and hair
Won’t grow?
 
Well, they all do grow,
But they like to go slow,
And maybe they don’t like
Being watched.
 
Tell you what to do.
Tell you how to check.
To be sure.
That everything’s growing
Like it should:
 
Before you go to bed tonight
Take out a ruler.
Measure your big toe.
Write down how many inches.
 
Now then. Do you like to suck a finger?
To help you go to sleep?
You do? Which one?
Not the thumb?
Okay. Right. The index finger.
The one that points.
 
So. Before you go to bed tonight
(And right after you measure your big toe),
Measure that index finger
(The one that points).
Your sucking finger.
 
Okay. Then all you have to do,
When you wake up in the morning,
Is:
 
Grab your big toe and measure it again.
How many inches?
If you’re growing like you should,
The toe will be a half inch longer.
 
Then take your sucking finger
Out of your mouth.
Is it wet? Good.
Measure it again.
 
The finger should be
One inch longer
Because:
Sucking fingers grow faster,
They get more water.
Irrigation.
 
If you find that your big toe
And your sucking finger
Aren’t growing that fast,
Don’t worry.
They’ll grow.
 
Maybe they don’t like being measured.
Put the ruler away. They’ll grow.
And if you want your big toe to grow faster,
Use it tonight and let your sucking finger rest.
Irrigate the toe. Suck the big toe.
 
And if none of this
Makes any sense to you,
Don’t worry about it.
You’ll grow.
No need to worry about growing,
Because:
Your growing grows all by itself.
Just grow. Slow.
And one day you’ll find yourself
All grown up!

 

 [from Bobby Goosey’s Nonsense Verse for Kids]

 

 

Poem by Bobby Goosey, "Graveland Bay"

 

Bobby Lee Goosey
 
Graveland Bay

--I’m on my way to Graveland Bay
(It’s a lovely little town, they say),
But I’ve lost my map, and I can’t find the way;
Could you point me the way to reach Graveland Bay?
 
--We’re all bound to see it some day, Graveland Bay
(Yes, quite the lovely town, they say),
But it’s not on the map and it’s out of the way;
God only knows where it is, Graveland Bay.
 
--But I’m in a rush, for the days slip away,
And the goal of my journey’s (they say) Graveland Bay
(It’s quite the lovely place, they say),
But what do I do if I can’t find my way?
 
--You’re not on the way to Graveland Bay
(Though it is a beautiful place, they say),
But it comes to you, not the vice versa way;
You sit still and wait and you’ll meet Graveland Bay
(But if it’s as nice as they say I can’t say).

Poem by Bobby Goosey, NOBODY ELSE

 

Bobby Lee Goosey

 

Nobody Else

First verse (in a silly voice):

Ain’t nobody noplace, nohow, see?
Just us earthlings, just us worldlings,
Just us gangle-shanked earthikins, see?
 
Second verse (in a still sillier voice):

Ain’t nobody nohow nowhere else, see?
We is the onliest, just us loneliest
Earthbound earthikins, see?
 
Third verse (in a Carl Sagan voice):
 
We alone, only we in our star-bright galaxy,
We humans, human we, amalgamations
Of wispy and frangible coruscating stardust,
Only lonely we.
 

Poem by Bobby Goosey, LITTLE KIDS, LIKE ME

 

Bobby Lee Goosey

 

Little Kids, Like Me

Little kids like crazy twits

(Little kids like me),

Grinny, gooney loony gits

(Little kids like me),

Who like to eat grits

With a runcible spoon

And keep all their brains

Up in clouds on the moon.

Little kids like silly twits

(Little kids like me);

Little kids

Like wacky gits

Like me.

Poem by Bobby Goosey, "No Go the Boogeyman (Carnival Music)"

                                                               Mardi Gras, New Orleans

Bobby Lee Goosey
 
No Go the Boogeyman
(Carnival Music)
 
                                                                                                       for Louis MacNeice

It ain’t no go for the merry-go-round,
It’s plumb no go for the Mo and Jo Moses,
But the Yogi-man’s on, let the conjurors con,
And never stop sniffing the roses.
 
Jo and Mo Moses, the Siamese siblings,
Are down with a bad case of clap;
But the carnival’s on, play the carnival song,
And never stop tapping the sap.
 
For it ain’t no go for the Ferris wheel round,
And it ain’t no go for the stripper-tease show,
But the roller coasts on; let the huckstermen con,
Let the go-go-girl dancers go-go.
 
The whiskey’s dripping hour by hour,
The booze will drip forever,
But if you break the bloody glass,
You won’t hold up the weather.
 
So it ain’t no go for the boogeyman show,
And it ain’t no go for the Siamese Moses,
But the Yogi-man’s on; let the conjurors con;
Never ever stop sniffing the roses.

Poem by Bobby Goosey, HAW

 

Bobby Lee Goosey

 

The One Haw River

Indiana has a river called the Haw.

It blurbles and it giggles as it runs. Haw.

It never laughs uncouthly with a vulgar crass guffaw,

But blurbles on discreetly with a single placid “haw.”

Not two “haw-haws,” not three “haw-haw-haws,”

But one demure moist solitary “haw.” Haw.

What a cultivated river is the one-haw Haw,

The Indiana river called the Haw.

Poem by Bobby Goosey, "Reflections Upon Turning Ten"

 

Bobby Lee Goosey

 

Reflections Upon Turning Ten

Living in a daze, in a daze nowadays,

Living in a double-digit daze.

Thought I’d live forever

In the single-digit phase,

Thought I’d be forever young,

But years and months and days

Have vanished like a moist cold drop

Of mistdrip in the haze.

 

Since my birthday (now I’m ten)

I’m living in a daze,

Getting old, decrepit, muddled,

Getting older, weak, befuddled,

Just a double-digit widget,

Here I sit and squirm and fidget,

Nine more decades: triple-digit!

Living in a double-digit daze.

Poem by Bobby Goosey, "Revenge"

 

Bobby Lee Goosey

                                Revenge

You done bunfungered me,
I’m all bunfungered;
WhatemIgoando? Huh?
Don’t know what to do.
 
You done gongoozled me,
I’m all gongoozled;
WhatemIgoando? Huh?
Don’t know what to do.
 
You done dooverwockied me,
I’m all dooverwockied;
WhatemIgoando? Huh?
Don’t know what to do.
 
I’m all bunfungered and
I’m plumb gongoozled and
I’m dooverwackywockied . . . and
You know whatI’mgoando?
 
I’m gonna ferrikakadouzer,
Gonna plumb gongoozle,
Gonna dooverwockywacky
On your dumb fat noodle,
 
Gonna done bunfunger,
Gonna plumb gongoozle,
Gonna dooverwackywock
All over you! That’s right!
Gonna dooverwackywock all over you!

Poem by Bobby Goosey, "The Truth"

 

Bobby Lee Goosey

 

The Truth

 

for Nathan the Grecian

I’m telling you; it’s true, it’s true!

I’m telling you; it’s true, it’s true!

 

Would I fib to you? Not I!

Cross my heart and hope to die.

Cut my throat if I tell a lie,

Lay me down and gouge my eye.

 

Certain true, black and blue;

Tie me down, then cut me in two.

Would I ever fib to you?

That’s one thing I’d never do!

 

All my words are true-blue true.

Lock me in limbo, leave me to stew,

Kick my bottom and call me a shrew,

Make me dog-paddle in stinking do-do,

 

I’m telling you; it’s true, it’s true!

I’m telling you; it’s true, it’s true!

 

The world is flat and the grass is blue.

Your name is Boo, and my name’s Boo too.

We’ll live forever, me and you,

We’ll fly on clouds, eat rainbow stew,

We’ll swim on the moon in the lunatic dew.

 

When the whole world explodes we’ll survive, me and you,

But if I should die I’ll go on loving you,

My love for you will drift on through the blue.

I’m telling you, Grecian, what I say is true!

Would I ever fib to you?

 

[April 28, 2023, from Bobby Goosey’s Compendium of Totally Sensible Nonsense]