Thursday, May 7, 2020

Book Review Article, George Saunders, CIVILWARLAND in BAD DECLINE

CivilWarLand in Bad Decline: Stories and a Novella


Book Review Article
George Saunders, CivilWarLand in Bad Decline, Random House paperback edition, 2016, 198 pp. Originally published in 1996.


Two Instances of Prevarication
(1)    On a Writer’s Acknowledgements Page
“I often marvel at the persona engendered by the influence of the form. The writer presents himself as one surrounded, cushioned, buoyed up by wonderful friends. He is, he says, ‘blessed,’ ‘in luck,’ ‘serene’ even in his obligations. Not a word on the acknowledgements page about grievances, or about offenses received and inflicted. Who would suspect a curmudgeon behind such handsome avowals? But perhaps this is what they are good for. By their virtue, ill-humor, rancor, resentments are temporarily purged, and the author is given a glimpse of the person he might have become, had he formed the habit of privately closing each day with such notations as are called for by the publishing of acknowledgements.”
Leo Steinberg

(2)    On Blurbery
Another spot replete with fakery is the back cover of any book, where the blurbers hold sway, trying to say only good things—often lying through their teeth about what they really think. Why lie? Because these guys are writing books themselves, and when the time comes they will need favors returned—i.e., more lying blurbs for the backs of their books. Here are some of the blurb-lies on the back cover of CivilWarLand in Bad Decline—annotated by me, with rebuttals.

BLURB ONE:
“George Saunders is a writer of arresting brilliance and originality, with a sure sense of his material and apparently inexhaustible resources of voice.” Tobias Wolff

Well, Saunders went on to become a writer of arresting brilliance; he probably is the best living American short story writer today. But back when he published CivilWarLand—almost twenty-five years ago—he still had a long way to go. His “sure sense of his material” was far from sure. The narratives of this book are often deficient in structure, the author does not have a firm grasp on his narrator, and the writing can be ragged.

In 2012, sixteen years after this, his first book, was published, Saunders wrote an afterword for the paperback. Read that afterword closely and you will note that the writer himself is aware of the book’s faults. He tries to be kind to his former self. He resists admitting how shocked he probably was when he looked back at this, his first effort, from the high perch of Literary Glory to which he had attained. But interesting phrases slip into his afterword, ways of characterizing these stories: among others, “abrupt and telegraphic, truncated and halting.” The stories are, he writes, “more cruel, more misshapen then they need to be . . . the stories are mean in places . . . occasionally nasty.” He even suggests, at one point, obliquely, that the book is “a failed attempt.”

BLURB TWO:
“An astonishingly tuned voice—graceful, dark, authentic, and funny—telling just the kinds of stories we need to get us through these times.” Thomas Pynchon

The voice may be astonishing, but it is not yet tuned. That will come later. “Just the kinds of stories we need to get us etc., etc.” sounds like a piece of meaningless rhetoric, a specialty among blurbers. Say something that sounds good, reads, at first glance, as profound, but really is totally vacuous. There is a certain kind of comic writer whose comedy, even when dark, uplifts us by the force of its art. Flannery O’Connor is such a writer. So is Raymond Carver, and so is Isaac Babel. In his afterword Saunders mentions each of these writers as models in great writing. He also notes that you must give up on imitating the greats and find your own unique way.

I think that in the year 2020, George Saunders has found his way and has become that kind of writer. But not with this, his first book, far from it. Firmly anchored in a deeper, profound reality, great comic writing redeems the flawed world, overshadows by the very force of its art the grim realities of life in flesh. But you get no sense of redemption from the sometimes funny, but overall terribly sad stories in CivilWarLand in Bad Decline.

BLURB THREE:
“Saunders makes the all-but-impossible look effortless.” Jonathan Franzen

Got some bad news for you and some bad news. Which do you want first? (That’s a quotation from one of the stories.) See the comment about the raggedness of narrative above (first bad news); see also the last part of this review, a discussion of the book’s stylistic quirks (second bad news). It took Saunders—as he admits in the afterword—“seven long years” to write the stories of CivilWarLand. Most of them have the same setting and the same identical narrator. Readers of the book in reviews on Amazon sometimes complain that he writes the same story over and over. Furthermore, in reading this collection one has no sense of effortlessness whatsoever. On the contrary. The narratives are often belabored.

d

Life in a Demented Theme Park

CivilWarLand depicts life in the U.S.A., and it certainly is in bad decline. The basic idea, repeated in most of these stories: we Americans are living not in a life, but in a huge, dystopian amusement park, where we fight to escape but remain wallowing in despair. The stories are set in some future time, but not far into the future. Something has happened. For the most part, we are given no backgrounding about what that something was. American life has, apparently, just wended its hapless way into dystopian catastrophe. An exception is made in Bounty—the longest story in the collection. Here we have brief background mention of “the first wave of mass death,” and “the Third Panic.” Women in Bounty are giving birth to babies with physical defects: claws instead of toes (e.g., the narrator), vestigial tails (his sister). These babies grow up to become a persecuted minority, oppressed, disparaged, sometimes pressed into slavery. They are known as the Flaweds. The underlying irony of the story, however, is that everyone—even the so-called Normals—is badly flawed, as is suggested by an old sage of a lady, who pokes her nose into the story for a one-page appearance.

The narrator, usually unnamed, is always a loser guy, downtrodden, well-meaning, lonely—he often has a wife, but they don’t get along and she gives him zero respect. He is always about to get fired from his job and worried that he will soon find himself in even deeper shit. His only recourse is to persevere: “I think of fleeing the city. I think of working on a shrimper, or setting myself on fire downtown. Instead I go to work” (“Offloading for Mrs. Schwartz”). Another motif: “I think of how lovely it all could have been had anything gone right” (“Downtrodden Mary’s Failed Campaign of Terror,” which has, for a change, a female narrator). The narrator usually has a heart of gold, a rarity in his world teeming with degenerates and cynics. In two of the stories—“Isabelle” and “Offloading for Mrs. Schwartz”—he ends up devoting himself to caring for the retarded or aged.

There is also usually the character of his boss, totally crass and cruel beyond all measure. Ancillary characters, almost always stupid, are often afflicted: one has Tourette’s syndrome, another has no arms, rings the doorbell with his face. One sentence in one story epitomizes the world described in this book: “What a degraded cosmos.” Or, to take another example, we’re all like “the legless man doing life, who’s perennially on toilet duty.”

Once in a while a character—such as the narrator of Bounty—looks back on what used to be a better life: “What a beautiful country this must have been once, when you could hop in a coupe and buy a bag of burgers and drive, drive, stopping to swim in a river or sleep in a grove of trees without worrying about intaking mutagens or having the militia arrest you and send you to the Everglades for eternity.” But by the time we get to the action of these stories all possibility for such a life is dead and gone. What, exactly, is Saunders satirizing in this book? Bad government, the excesses of gross capitalism? Well yes, but not only that. 

In CivilWarLand just about any institution or movement gets a poke in the snout: due-diligence business-speakers—Saunders is a master at bizspeak—do-gooders, New Agers, Feminists, everybody. Here, for example, is a description of the way modern parents bring up their children: “The bearded dad offers me sunflower seeds and briefs me on his child-rearing philosophy. Discipline and other forms of negativity are shunned. Bedtimes don’t exist. Face wiping is discouraged. At night the children charge around nude and screaming until they drop in their tracks, ostensibly feeling good about themselves” (Bounty).

The same story features, briefly, a cult group called Austerity, whose members are hairshirt-wearers of the modern age. One of them, “dressed as Death Eating Chips to protest the reemergence of wasteful packaging practices,” is a girl. Divested from her costume, she turns out to be a feminist: “In deference to Austerity’s policy of eschewing anything even vaguely degrading to women she’s shaved off her hair and plucked her eyebrows and is wearing a chest-flattening harness. Still her beauty shines through.”

The Christian religion remains a solace for some of the characters, but their belief, like everything else, is mere cause for mockery. Such are Lupe and Maria, the Ramirez twins in Bounty, who “rarely speak and when they do are either proselytizing or claiming to have seen the Virgin Mary hovering above a moat.” The moral message of almost all the tales in the book goes like this: “Don’t budge from here [from the demented theme park]. Learn to enjoy what little you have. Revel in the fact that your dignity hasn’t yet been stripped away. Every minute that you’re not in absolute misery you should be weeping with gratitude and thanking God at the top of your lungs” (Bounty again).

Meanwhile, the stars look down in gleaming contentment upon the Plight of Man: “In spite of the strife the stars were bright as crystal.” Once in a while we get a swerve out of the madcap zaniness of the narrative into something approaching pathos. This happens in the title story with the McKinnon ghost family. Mr. McKinnon, who fought in the actual Civil War, “starts talking about bloody wagon wheels and a boy he once saw sitting in a creek slapping the water with his own severed arm. He tells how the dead looked with rain on their faces and of hearing lunatic singing from all corners of the field of battle and of king-sized rodents gorging themselves on the entrails of his friends.” 

Okay, this passage still has overtones of the let’s-be-grossly-amused tone that dominates the whole book, but the rain on the faces and the lunatic singing establish a slight twinge of something else. The book needs more such passages.

The hyped-up narrator—who sometimes reminds you of these trolling kids on the Internet nowadays, who post “funny” messages to families who have just lost a bullied child to suicide—seldom removes his mask of never-ending-let-it-hang-out madcap. The title story ends with another swerve into a different mood. In a weird final paragraph the narrator describes himself being murdered by a degenerate named Sam:

“Possessing perfect knowledge I hover above him as he hacks me to bits. I see his rough childhood. I see his mother doing something horrid to him with a broomstick. I see the hate in his heart and the people he has yet to kill before pneumonia gets him at eighty-three. I see the dead kid’s mom unable to sleep, pounding her fists against her face in grief at the moment I was burying her son’s hand. I see the pain I’ve caused. I see the man I could have been, and the man I was, and then everything is bright and new and keen with love and I sweep through Sam’s body, trying to change him, trying so hard, and feeling only hate and hate, solid as stone.”

What is different about Mr. McKinnon’s vision, and about this final paragraph, in comparison to most of the other narrative in this story, and in the whole book? The big difference is that in these two passages we escape, if only briefly, from the caustic narrator behind the narrative: the man with the nasty twinkle in his eye and the sardonic grin on his lips. And what, largely, is the difference between the George Saunders who wrote this first book and the accomplished writer who came later? The difference is, largely, that the accomplished writer has learned to rein in the excesses of that leering guy.

What a relief for the reader—so he thinks at first—when, in Bounty, the narrator finally escapes from the theme park. Thank God. Now at least we get something different. But, alas, if you are looking for relief from the incessant chaos and tumult of the book, good luck with that. As the narrator journeys west in search of his sister, he comes upon a chaotic U.S.A. that mirrors the chaos in the theme park he just left. Once in a while, in what appears an attempt to escape the utter hopelessness of the world of CivilWarLand in Bad Decline, the author tacks on something like a happy ending. Here is the conclusion of “The 400-Pound CEO”:

“Maybe the God we see, the God who calls the daily shots, is merely a subGod. Maybe there’s a God above this subGod, who’s busy for a few Godminutes with something else, and will be right back, and when he gets back will take the subGod by the ear and say, ‘Now look. Look at that fat man. What did he ever do to you? Wasn’t he humble enough? Didn’t he endure enough abuse for a thousand men? Weren’t the simplest tasks hard? Didn’t you sense him craving attention? Were you unaware that his days unraveled as one long bad dream?’ And maybe as the subGod slinks away, the true God will sweep me up in his arms, saying: My sincere apologies, a mistake has been made. Accept a new birth, as token of my esteem.
“And I will emerge again from between the legs of my mother, a slighter and more beautiful baby, destined for a different life, in which I am masterful, sleek as a deer, a winner.”

Notwithstanding this optimistic coda to the story—a kind of deus ex machina in a minor key—no such merciful God ever shows up, not in “The 400-Pound CEO,” nor in any of the other tales. The merciless subGod—Beelzebub or his brother—remains in control of human fate. Although the author may not be aware of this, the subGod he refers to in the passage quoted above looks a lot like the sardonic guy who runs the action of the whole book, i.e., the teller of the stories in CivilWarLand. That grinning narrator is seldom challenged by a higher force, whose name may be George Saunders.

Once in a while the well-meaning good guy of an author takes a look at what his narrator is doing and doesn’t like it. Whereupon, he, the author, tries to rein in the subGod—by including passages such as the ending of “The 400-Pound CEO,” or by throwing in a kindly character once in a great while. But if you look at the book as a whole you cannot doubt that the subGod is largely in control. I find it amusing that George Saunders was puzzled and bemused by the reaction of one of his old neighbors from Chicago to this book—as related in the afterword:

“‘It worried me. I’m worried about you. You seem like a very unhappy person. Like the guy who takes out the garbage, late at night, miserable and grumbling . . . . That book is not like you. You were always such a happy little guy.’
“Wait a minute, I thought once she’d hung up: I’m happy. I’m one of the happiest people I know. My book is not unhappy. My book is funny. My book tells, uh, dark truths. I’m a hopeful person. Writing this book was a happy, hopeful act.”

There’s an old paradox about comic writers: out of the depths of melancholy comes zany, happy, crazy-funny fiction. The best example of this is Nikolai Gogol. Melancholic and bizarrely neurotic in his everyday life, Gogol produced fiction that has you rolling on the ground with laughter. So if that’s true, then maybe the reverse is also operative: a happy guy writes disturbing, unhappy fiction about a world wallowing in despair. “My book is funny.” Well, yes, sometimes it is—there are plenty of genuinely witty passages—but most of the time CivilWarLand is very, very sad. You want to experience a bad dream, read this book all the way through, cover to cover.

d

The Style of CivilWarLand in Bad Decline

“The land of the short story is a brutal land, a land very similar, in its strictness, to the land of the joke.”
                                                                                                                  George Saunders

I’m not sure exactly what Saunders means in the above quotation, but I think he refers to the delicate nature of a short story. You can commit errors, stylistic solecisms in the body of your large novel, and they will appear less glaring than in a short narrative. A slight wrong turn in a short story, however, can spoil the broth for a good reader. The same goes for telling a joke: timing is everything, setting things up, pulling the listeners in with a wry grin, knowing exactly how to deliver the punchline. Isaac Babel knew all that, he who wrote and rewrote and polished and polished and polished, and finally ended up with a gem of a story only three pages long. The mature George Saunders who speaks of the “brutal land” of the short story knows that truth, while the George Saunders of CivilWarLand has not yet learned it. In his creative writing classes at Syracuse, he could assign this book as an example of how not to write short stories.

In this, his first book, the rudiments are already there. We can already find examples of the kind of writing that is to make George Saunders, in the year 2020, one of the best American masters of the short story. The comic imagination is already there. Take, for example, the store named O My God, which sells religious statuary. Or protestors who have protested so fervently that they have developed bony knuckles from perpetually walking around with their fists clenched. The book is rife with such hilarious detail, and simply teeming with wild, creative flights of the imagination. There are constant divagations from the main plot of a story, subplots or characters that flash into the febrile imagination of the writer and bloom for a sentence, or a paragraph.  

Here are a few examples, from Bounty: (1) One of the “Flawed” who entertains “Normals” at the theme park is Brian, who “had an eye in the back of his head and would read Chaucer from a book I held behind him. In truth his third eye was a nonfunctional glutinous mass and he’d memorized the passage.” (2) The camp doctor at the theme park is perpetually intoxicated, and that’s not particularly funny, but this is: “Once when I found him soused in a ditch he admitted to being confused by the difference between hemorrhoids and piles.” Pause, reader, for a moment and think about that sentence. I’m not sure that the narrator who rushes us through the action of Bounty is aware himself of its comic possibilities. A guy comes upon the drunk camp doctor in a ditch. How in the world did the ensuing conversation even get to the matter of piles? Two guys talking in a ditch, one of them drunk, and suddenly the subject is piles! That’s fun, folks, and that’s creative.

(3) The I-narrator works briefly as a barge puller on the Erie Canal, thinks of himself as a “surrogate mule,” and then wham—here comes a one-paragraph digression: “Mules are at a premium. Thousands have died of a bone marrow disease. The ones that lived lost the use of their legs. You’ll walk past a field and there’ll be fifteen or twenty of them lying on their sides braying. High-school kids get a kick out of pouring gas on them and lighting them up. It’s a craze. The animals rights people do their best to prop them back up and slap on feedbags and post anti-vandalism signs, but no sooner are they back at headquarters than the mules are either toppling over or burning.”

(4) One of the cult groups that the narrator encounters as he wanders America, the so-called Guilters, have established their Church of Appropriate Humility in an abandoned McDonald’s. “The ultimate Guilter ritual is when one of them goes into a frenzy and thrusts his or her hand into a deep fryer. A mangled hand is a badge of honor. All the elders have two, and need to be helped on and off with their coats. There was a rash a few years ago of face-thrusting, until the national Guilter Council ruled it vain and self-aggrandizing. Guilters believe in quantifying pain. Each pain unit is called a Victor, after their founder, Norm Victor. Each Victor earned is a step towards salvation. Having a loved one die tragically earns big Victors. Sometimes for a birthday present a wife will cheat on her husband with one of his friends in such a manner that the husband walks in and catches a painful eyeful. Once at the facility we got hold of a bootleg video of a group of cuckolded Guilter husbands talking about the difficulties of living with simultaneous rage and gratitude.”

(5) One more example, this time from “Offloading for Mrs. Schwartz.” An armless man takes a trip in virtual reality—the program is Youth Roams Kansas Hometown, 1932—back to his boyhood, where he waves his still-intact arms at long-dead friends and neighbors. “It’s all homemade bread and dirt roads and affable dogcatchers. What a sweet grin appears. He greets each hometowner with his ghost limbs and beams at the chirping of the holographic birds. He kneels awhile in Mrs. Lawler’s larder, sniffing spices that remind him of his mother elbow-deep in flour. He drifts out to the shaded yard and discusses Fascism with the iceman near some swaying wheat. His posture changes for the better. He laughs aloud. He’s young again and the thresher has yet to claim his arms.” Hey, look! This is another example of creeping pathos in a book where most things verging on pathos are quickly beaten back with mockery.  

All of the above examples amount to kernels of what could be developed into separate short stories. Was/is Saunders aware of this? Notwithstanding the author’s assertion—in the afterword—that it took him “seven long years” to write this book containing only seven stories, the reader’s impression is often that of a narrator in a frenzy, squandering his creativity, rushing through stories in a mad attempt to get the stuff told, while, above all, keeping things properly zany. The belabored narrator is often trying too hard. He has the orchestra assembled, but the conductor has lost control of it; the music is loud, and all too often the Three Stooges march into the picture, tooting off tune on tubas. Well, if you like the Three Stooges maybe that’s a good thing.

The creative writing instructors tell us, “Show, don’t tell.” Of course, like so many hard-and-fast maxims of the MFA racket, this one can sometimes be invalid. I once attended a writers’ workshop in Vermont. One writer-instructor who loved the above maxim had us read Chekhov’s “Lady with Dog” as an exemplary piece of fiction. The story is exemplary, but, as I informed the instructor, it is also rife with tell, not show.

At any rate, CivilWarLand in Bad Decline is a frenzy of telling. Not exactly the kind of third person telling by an omniscient authorial presence. Saunders prefers first-person narrative, but his narrator does something similar to what that third-person teller does. Here’s a typical example from the first, title story: “As we walk up the trail he’s wearing a sweatsuit and smoking a cigar and I tell him I admire his acumen. I tell him some men are dreamers and others are doers. He asks which am I and I say let’s face it, I’m basically the guy who leads the dreamers up the trail to view the Canal Segment. He likes that. He says I have a good head on my shoulders. He touches my arm and says he’s hot to spend some reflective moments at the Canal because his great-grandfather was a barge guilder way back when who got killed by a donkey.” Etc.

This kind of indirect rendering of speech is not limited to any one story; it is used perpetually throughout the book. What about setting the scene and letting the characters speak? Try this:

Well, I admire your acumen (I said). After all, some men are dreamers and others are doers.
He cocked his left eye at me.
Which are you?
Me, I’m the guy who etc., etc.

Here is a scene describing how the narrator is beaten up: “Soon I’m downwind of the tent-town stink and can hear their domestic disputes and their brats screaming in bad grammar. I’m not ten feet from their barbed wire when a few young toughs recognize my khaki as corporate issue and wrangle me down to the ground while giving me a ribbing about health care benefits and the amount of time I’ve spent in conference rooms. I don’t fight back, etc.” All tell, no show. Indirect speech. Instead of letting his characters play out the scene, the narrator summarizes the whole thing in rapid-fire monologue.

I’m not saying using indirect speech is always wrong, but there’s something out of whack with the narration when you use it incessantly. I’m still puzzled over what exactly is the point of telling your story like this and what effect it has on the narrative as a whole. One thing it does for sure is speed up the action of the story. Pacing. This kind of summarizing instead of writing scenes makes everything go faster.

Take this paragraph, from “Offloading for Mrs. Schwartz”: “The kids come out of it with a firsthand War Years experience and I come out of it with a check for five hundred dollars, enough to hire a temporary live-in for Mrs. Ken Schwartz. Which I gladly do. A lovely Eurasian named Wei, a student of astrophysics, who, as I’m leaving them alone for the first time, is brushing out Mrs. Ken Schwartz’s hair and humming, ‘Let Me Call You Sweetheart.’” A lot of things happening here, over the course of a single paragraph, including the introduction of a new character, Wei, who struggles for purchase in the story, but hangs on only briefly. Such is the fate of many characters in CivilWarLand in Decline, people who hop out of the author’s fervid imagination into the narrative, but remain ancillary, undeveloped, and soon expire of desuetude.

The book is teeming with gratuitous characters. Even central personages are, largely, undeveloped. We could take much more seriously the narrator’s (in Bounty) desperate peregrinations across the U.S. in search of his beloved sister, were that sister not described in the same terms as so many other characters: dumb, puerile, cynical; in other words, had the narrator taken the time to develop the character, give her some humanity, make her appear at least a little bit worthy of love.

The feeling that the narrative force is in a hurry, eager to get the story told, is especially pronounced in Bounty. Billed as a novella, this is really one of the short theme-park stories, with a picaresque tacked on. All the action of the story involves the narrator’s breaking out of the theme park and traveling west, over Americana. But when he finally finds his sister we dispense with her, and dispense with the whole tale, in short order. Here’s what happens over the course of two pages: the narrator comes to the end of his journey and discovers his sister Connie. She’s pregnant. They exult. Then they have lunch. “Over soup he [Corbett, the bad guy who took his sister away but has now become a good guy] asks if I want a job in Grounds.” The narrator takes the job. “A week later she goes into labor in the rec room” and gives birth. The giving of birth, description and naming of the baby take all of one paragraph. Next, on the same page, the narrator hears about a rebel cell “down in Talpa,” apparently fighting for the rights of oppressed Flaweds. He kisses Connie and the baby goodbye, takes off, arrives at his destination—still on the same page—joins the rebel cell. End of story. Pacing. Bounty, and especially the way it ends, is a textbook example of narrative pacing run amuck.

Then there’s the matter of the humor. Just as the short story form itself is a delicate instrument, so too does the writing of comic fiction demand a delicate touch. Not-quite-right humor can spoil the narrative. Wild creative flights of the imagination—and Saunders specializes in such flights—can be very funny. See some of the examples I’ve cited above. But, then again, a high flyer can easily forget his sense of measure and fly too high and then suddenly come crashing down to earth. The Hollywood director Quentin Tarantino is such a pilot, one who puts together a good film and who might even excel—had he only a sense of measure.

Sometimes the narrator/narrators of CivilWarLand remind you of an over-eager, amateur stand-up comedian, straining for laughs. Want to be funny? Throw in a character—she’s a baby sitter in “The 400-Pound CEO”—and name her Mrs. Rasputin Har. Or do what Hollywood loves to do in comedy films: throw in some fart humor or have a child, a toddler, use an obscenity: “Now we’re on the fucking lam” (Bounty). Har. Describe how a family pet is murdered, roasted eaten: “Is it right that a couple of little kids should have to watch a grown overweight Italian man coldcock their father in order to bludgeon their dog to death with an eight-iron and roast it over an open fire?” Har, har, har.

Maybe best of all, make fun of a doddering oldster. One entire story indulges itself in this: “Downtrodden Mary’s Failed Campaign of Terror.” Here we have the only tale in the collection with a female narrator, and she is 92 years old. To a certain puerile mind—the same kind of mind that might appreciate the thing cited above, about killing and roasting the family pet—this in itself is already funny: ninety years old, Har! This story has some of the best examples of where failed humor can run a narrative off the tracks. It has cute children making obscene gestures. Over the course of a single page Mary tells of how great sex once was with her lover Herb, until her husband Bud and his gangster friends “slit his throat and dumped him off a barge into the CalSag. After killing Herb the lot of them came over to our place for dinner as usual. Oh I was beside myself. All of them had excellent appetites. Every Sunday they came. After eating they would take their shirts off and talk gangster strategy in the front room . . . invariably Bud would have me try on a dress for the group. The day he killed Herb he made me put on a cigarette-girl get-up,” etc. etc., etc.

At this point you can almost see the stand-up comedian sweating—there’s, say, some leering drunk, like me, out in the audience, making loud remarks. The desperate stand-upper now pushes the “humor” still further into zaniness. Mary describes her brother: “He was a Wobbly and went out West, where they cut off his penis [Ho, ho] and hung him from a bridge [Har]. And did you know they shipped him back without cleaning him up one bit and my poor mother had to view the body of her only son without its penis and with such a horrible rope burn on the neck?” [Yo-ho-ho, and if this were a film Tarantino would insert a scene with the puzzled mother unzipping the fly of a corpse in a coffin and peering hard at the absence of a penis].

Funny. In describing what is unfunny about “Downtrodden Mary,” I have made it sound funny. But that is indicative of my ability to write comic sentences. Believe me, while you’re reading that story it’s not funny at all. Aren’t yet ready to boo the comedian off the stage? Try this, Mary’s next gambit: “That is why I moved to the city and before long was married to a man with all gold teeth, who used them to bite painful arcs into my legs. Bud was brutal through and through” [Har, har, hardy-har, what a prize that Bud is, a biter, Ho-ho-ho]. And we could go on with this (it gets even worse), but I’ve had enough of laughing my guts out.

Don’t get me wrong. I object to such passages on aesthetic grounds, not because they are politically incorrect. Some gross descriptions even work for me. I like the mention of a man who keeps an actual shit list, “enhanced with an angry piece of feces stamping its feet.” That’s funny. Anyone versed in the dogma of politcorrect will hardly, however, make it past the first page of CivilWarLand in Bad Decline. There should even be a warning on the title page: THIS BOOK IS NOT, WE REPEAT NOT, FOR THE POLITICALLY CORRECT. WARNING. STAY AWAY. KEEP OUT. THIS BOOK IS NOT FOR YOU, ARDENT ADVOCATE OF SPEECH CONTROL AND THOUGHT CONTROL.

By the way, political correctness, in my view, should be shunned by any writer interested in producing quality literary fiction. Great women writers—such as Flannery O’Connor, Virginia Woolf, Rebecca West—would sneer derisively upon American woman writers who are legion these days, the kind who self-gag themselves, their speech, their thought, in the mistaken belief that a writer should obey the nicey-nice strictures of Feminism, and Ageism, and God knows how many other gruesome Isms there are out there.

Adumbrations

Anyway, you get my main point by now: CivilWarLand in Bad Decline is far from a well-written book. Its fledgling author still has much to learn, about pacing, about the dangers of pushing humor to the point where it is overdone, and is, consequently, not funny anymore. About being too cynical, about too much telling—in a word—how to retain a sense of measure and how to structure a story. The good news is that by now George Saunders has learned all those things. And more. Take a look at his most recent short story collection, Tenth of December. The differences between that book and CivilWarLand are day and night. To take just one example, look at the teenage protagonists in the first story, “Victory Lap”: Alison Pope and Kyle Boot. They are more rounded, more developed; they are real human beings, sympathetic—much more so then any of the cardboard jokey characters manipulated by the leering narrator of the first collection. Or try Lincoln in the Bardo. Good stuff. Billed as a novel, it really is still a story, albeit a long one. Saunders does not write novels, probably having learned, from the structural mess of Bounty, to stay mostly away from lengthy narrative. With his first published book Saunders was still, obviously, a novice writer; talented, yes, but raw. Now he is a master.

Interesting adumbrations of the Saunders who is to come peek out occasionally from the pages of CivilWarLand. In addition to the McKinnon family, ghosts who show up in the title story, a dead child’s specter appears at the end of that tale. There are several other appearances of ghost characters, including a child, for whose death the narrator is responsible in “The Wavemaker Falters.” Deep in the mind of the author such characters are girding their loins, taking on ghostly narrative flesh, in preparation for Lincoln in the Bardo.

The title of George Saunders’ first book is weirdly prescient, the way he gets our Civil War into the picture. For, sad to say, we’re still fighting that war in the U.S.A. Lately, much apparently on the mind of Saunders is the present political situation of this country, our deep political division and the antics of our clown president. His most recent story in The New Yorker, “Love Letter”—April 6, 2020—utilizes one of his favorite tropes: it takes a look at a future time, but not far into the future, when “loyalists” have begun turning the country into a dictatorship. A passage from Bounty reads like another adumbration of what is to come:

“‘We need a gun,’ Mom said. ‘For if someone tries to take the house.’
‘The people who come to take the house,’ Dad said, ‘will have more guns than you can imagine.’
“And he was right. They had guns and riding crops and mortars. They had a sense of high moral purpose. They had the sanction of the provisional government and a portable sound system that blared ‘Homogeneity, Sweet Homogeneity,’ as they blockaded the home of any family with a Flawed member, meaning every family but the Quinces, who they blockaded for fraternizing with Flaweds.”


It takes but a slight skip ahead from that passage to reach the loyalists of “Love Letter.” But over the years since he published CivilWarLand in Bad Decline the writer George Saunders has taken a giant leap forward in his skillset as a writer. Most important of all, he has fired the over-zany, over-eager, over-doer, over-cynical narrator of his first book and hired a guy with a perfect touch in humor, and a feel for how a story should be structured, and facility in developing characters, and a sense of measure. A kind of solicitous God of the story, watching over its telling, in place of that Beelzebub. 

Sunday, May 3, 2020

Chekhov Passage from "ABOUT LOVE," Read in the Korean Film, "ON THE BEACH AT NIGHT ALONE"


The above scene from the Korean film, "On the Beach at Night Alone" (2017), shows the character of the married film director, reading a passage from a book to his former lover, the girl with eyes downcast sitting opposite from him. This girl, played by Min-hee Kim,  is the central character in the movie.

Obviously he himself, the actor playing the director, as well as his lover and all the others sitting at the table are deeply moved by this passage about love. They, as well as the spectators, those watching the film, are left in the dark about the provenance of the passage, but I, having taught Chekhov in my classes at Miami University recognized it at once--even though it was read in Korean, with English subtitles.

In an interview that he gave later, the director of the film, who also wrote the screenplay, Sang-soo Hong, admits that the passage is from Chekhov's third story in his "Little Trilogy," the story titled "About Love." He mentions that the passage had moved him. Then again, that's what the movie is about: about love.

I have written at some length on this blog about "The Little Trilogy" ("Man in a Case," "Gooseberries," and "About Love") It is probably the best little trilogy of short stories ever written in world literature.

But Chekhov can be a devious trickster of a writer. Below I repeat what I said when discussing "About Love" previously, which calls into question the reaction of the Koreans to the passage quoted.

At the end of the story, after the woman he loves has left his life forever, after he has just admitted to her for the first time that he loves her, here is how Alyokhin, the narrator and main character, sums things up. This is the passage read in the movie.

“I confessed my love for her, and with a searing pain in my heart I understood  how unnecessary, how petty, and how deceitful was everything that had hindered our love. I understood that when you love, then in your reasoning about that love you need to proceed from the highest principles, from something more important than happiness or unhappiness, sin, or virtue in their usual sense, or there’s no need to reason at all.”

Readers sometimes take such summary statements on the part of Chekhov’s characters as Chekhov’s ways of getting important truths into the story. Most frequently that is a mistake. Chekhov seldom speaks directly through his characters, and when a character expatiates at length on life’s truths you can almost always take it for granted that the character is a blowhard. Such is Ivan Ivanovich in “The Little Trilogy.” 

Alyokhin is not a blowhard, but if you take a good look at the passage quoted above, you can’t help thinking that he is saying not much of anything coherent. The fact is that he has fallen in love with his best friend's wife. There are children involved. Of the choices he has, none is good. He chooses not to disrupt his best friend's family. As a result the woman he loves, who also loves him, descends, by the end of the story, into neurasthenia. Sometimes there are simply no good choices, and I do not believe that Chekhov is saying in the cited passage, as some readers believe, that love should transcend other matters, such as virtue, sin, the very fact of happiness or unhappiness. 

Earlier in the story Alyokhin says that the only thing you can really say about human love is that love is a great mystery. That is more to the point. That line, I can believe, came right out of the mouth of the author directly to the reader. But not Alyokhin's emotional ramblings in the quoted passage. No.


In taking off on Chekhov’s “About Love”—in his wonderful story titled “What We Talk About When We Talk About Love”—the American writer Raymond Carver ends up at the same place Chekhov did: with characters encased in love and wondering what love is. We’re talking really out our backsides when we talk like we know what we’re talking about when we talk about love.



Friday, May 1, 2020

SOVIET PROPAGANDA POSTERS PROMOTING HEALTH AND HYGIENE

            HANG THESE POSTERS BACK UP IN THE AGE OF THE GREAT PLAGUE
                                       

                                   "Don't Be Afraid of Water; Wash Yourself Daily"

Долой рукопожатия!» Лозунги Маяковского против коронавируса ...

                  "Down with Handshakes; Greet and See Off Each Other Without Shaking Hands"
                                                    (Early advocacy for the elbow bump)

Санплакаты для тех, кто продолжает работать в офисе


Monday, April 27, 2020

A PRAYER FOR HEALING AND LAST RITES PRAYER




A Prayer for Healing and Last Rites Prayer

“Lord, gaze with eyes of compassion, during this, the Time of the Great Plague, upon thy servant [name], grant unto him/her the healing of the mind, the healing of the body, the healing of the spirit. Restore unto her/him [name] the fullness and the wholeness as it was when he/she was created.

May the Lord bless you and keep you, may the Lord let his face shine upon you and be gracious unto you. May the Lord look upon you with kindness and beneficence, may the Lord grant you peace. As the Lord didst heal the sick by touch, so do I, the acolyte of the Lord, now lay hands upon you [name], anointing you with the oil of rejoicing for the healing of your mind, body, spirit, soul.

And if such healing is not to be, I anoint you [name] with the oil of rejoicing in a life now lived through, and with the oil of acceptance of the end of that life and the beginning of a new existence for [name], in that place where we all once were before coming into being, and whither we all must return. Amen.”



Note by U.R. Bowie

I discovered the basics of the text above from an article reprinted in the Gainesville Sun from the Palm Beach Post (April 27, 2020) about a priest, Father Gabriel Ghanoum, who has been visiting hospitals in Palm Beach County, Florida, to administer healing to those sick with coronavirus, and Last Rites to those dying of it. The text as printed was titled “Sacrament of the Sick, or The Last Rites prayer that Father Gabriel says to dying COVID-19 patients at JFK Medical Center.” Don’t have any idea where the text originates, but I suspect that Father Gabriel himself came up with it by improvising on certain other sacred text.

I have made considerable changes in that text printed in the newspaper. It seems to me that the text is of two minds as written: it combines a prayer of healing with a prayer for the dying. To make that more clear I have added the final paragraph, intended only for the dying. That final paragraph is almost completely my own invention. In addition, I have tried to make the prayer more broad, applicable to almost anyone dying who wishes to address any Deity, not necessarily a Christian deity. I offer this variant for what it’s worth, if anything.

d

In checking the Internet for the exact words used in the Catholic or Eastern Orthodox rituals of Extreme Unction, I was unable to find such a text. Nor do I have any idea about how the dying are anointed with oil. What follows below are explanations on the Internet of what such a text should consist of.

ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH

Catholic priests perform the Sacrament of Extreme Unction based on the Bible.
Roman Catholics recognize seven sacraments, which serve as rites of Christian initiation and passage throughout a person’s life, however brief or long that life may endure. Extreme Unction, also called Last Rites and Anointing of the Sick, is the final sacrament for Catholic faithful. A gravely ill or injured Roman Catholic may receive the Sacrament of Extreme Unction. In her final moments, a Catholic receives strength and comfort with a last anointing in preparation for the next stage in the soul’s spiritual journey.
Scriptural Basis
As is true for all of the sacraments, the Sacrament of Extreme Unction has a scriptural basis. According to the Traditional Roman Catholicism website, the author of James 5:14-15 calls for priests to pray over the sick and to anoint them “in the name of the Lord.” This sacred action has the power to save the ill and dying and to forgive sins.
Conditions for Extreme Unction
Roman Catholic doctrine establishes criteria for the conditions of Extreme Unction. The person who is ill or injured must have achieved the age of reason, 7 years old, he must repent of his sins and be in a state of grace and he must accept that God may will him to be healed or die.
The Words in the Vernacular
Once the recipient receives the Sacraments of Penance and Holy Eucharist, in that order, a Roman Catholic priest performs the Sacrament of Extreme Unction. The priest makes the sign of the cross on various parts of the person’s body and speaks the words in the vernacular, “Through this Holy Unction or oil, and through the great goodness of His mercy, may God pardon thee whatever sins thou hast committed by evil use of sight (sight, hearing, smell, taste and speech, touch, ability to walk).” The last word varies according to the part of the body over which the priest is making the sign of the cross. In cases in which death threatens quickly, the priest may make the sign of the cross on the person’s forehead and say, “Through this holy unction may the Lord pardon thee whatever sins or faults thou hast committed,” according to the Fish Eaters website.
d

Prayer of Commendation

As the time of death approaches, this prayer may be said.
Go forth, Christian soul, from this world
in the name of God the almighty Father,
who created you,
in the name of Jesus Christ, Son of the living God,
who suffered for you,
in the name of the Holy Spirit,
who was poured out upon you,
go forth, faithful Christian.
May you live in peace this day,
may your home be with God in Zion,
with Mary, the Virgin Mother of God,
with Joseph, and all the Angels and Saints.




Prayers after Death

Prayer for the Dead

In your hands, O Lord,
we humbly entrust our brothers and sisters.
In this life you embraced them with your tender love;
deliver them now from every evil
and bid them eternal rest.
The old order has passed away:
welcome them into paradise,
where there will be no sorrow, no weeping or pain,
but fullness of peace and joy
with your Son and the Holy Spirit
forever and ever.
Amen.
d

EASTERN ORTHODOX CHURCH

Holy Unction

When one is ill and in pain, this can very often be a time of life when one feels alone and isolated. The Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick, or Holy Unction as it is also known, reminds us that when we are in pain, either physical, emotional, or spiritual, Christ is present with us through the ministry of His Church. He is among us to offer strength to meet the challenges of life, and even the approach of death.
As with Chrismation, oil is also used in this Sacrament as a sign of God's presence, strength, and forgiveness. After the reading of seven Epistle lessons, seven Gospel lessons and the offering of seven prayers, which are all devoted to healing, the priest anoints the body with the Holy Oil. Orthodoxy does not view this Sacrament as available only to those who are near death. It is offered to all who are sick in body, mind, or spirit.
Christ came to the world to "bear our infirmities." One of the signs of His divine Messiahship was to heal the sick. The power of healing remains in the Church since Christ himself remains in the Church through the Holy Spirit.
The Sacrament of the Unction of the sick is the Church's specific prayer for healing. If the faith of the believers is strong enough, and if it is the will of God, there is every reason to believe that the Lord can heal those who are diseased.
The biblical basis for the Sacrament is found in James 5:14-16:
Is any among you sick, let him call for the presbyters of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer of faith will save the sick man, and the Lord will raise him up; and if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.
S
The Orthodox Church is ever mindful of the spiritual state of the dying and has a number of prayers which assist the soul to pass from this world into God's care. First, and most important of all, is the necessity of ensuring that a priest is called to hear the last confession and administer Holy Communion to the dying. This singularly important moment, depends upon the family of the dying person making arrangements early enough for the priest to visit the person in question, whilst he/she is still able to communicate. If the dying person is beyond communicating, the priest will not be able to administer Holy Communion, but would generally read the Canon for the Departure of the Soul from the Body. If the person is already deceased when the priest arrives, then he will read the Canon After the Departure of the Soul from the Body. As it may not be possible for the family of the departed to be present at this time, it is important for the family to have a requiem (panikhida) sung in church, when the family is able to assemble. This service is referred to as the Panikhida of the First Day.

Friday, April 24, 2020

Translation of Poem by A.K. Tolstoy, "TROPARION" from John Damascene





А. К. Толстой. Поэма «Иоанн Дамаскин»


Тропарь
«Какая сладость в жизни сей
Земной печали непричастна?
Чьё ожиданье не напрасно?
И где счастливый меж людей?
Всё то превратно, всё ничтожно,
Что мы с трудом приобрели, —
Какая слава на земли
Стоит тверда и непреложна?
Всё пепел, призрак, тень и дым,
Исчезнет всё как вихорь пыльный,
И перед смертью мы стоим
И безоружны и бессильны.
Рука могучего слаба,
Ничтожны царские веленья —
Прими усопшего раба,
Господь, в блаженные селенья!

Как ярый витязь смерть нашла,
Меня как хищник низложила,
Свой зев разинула могила
И всё житейское взяла.
Спасайтесь, сродники и чада,
Из гроба к вам взываю я,
Спасайтесь, братья и друзья,
Да не узрите пламень ада!
Вся жизнь есть царство суеты,
И, дуновенье смерти чуя,
Мы увядаем, как цветы, —
Почто же мы мятемся всуе?
Престолы наши суть гроба,
Чертоги наши — разрушенье, —
Прими усопшего раба,
Господь, в блаженные селенья!

Средь груды тлеющих костей
Кто царь? кто раб? судья иль воин?
Кто царства божия достоин?
И кто отверженный злодей?
О братья, где сребро и злато?
Где сонмы многие рабов?
Среди неведомых гробов
Кто есть убогий, кто богатый?
Всё пепел, дым, и пыль, и прах,
Всё призрак, тень и привиденье —
Лишь у тебя на небесах,
Господь, и пристань и спасенье!
Исчезнет всё, что было плоть,
Величье наше будет тленье —
Прими усопшего, Господь,
В твои блаженные селенья!

И ты, предстательница всем!
И ты, заступница скорбящим!
К тебе о брате, здесь лежащем,
К тебе, святая, вопием!
Моли божественного сына,
Его, пречистая, моли,
Дабы отживший на земли
Оставил здесь свои кручины!
Всё пепел, прах, и дым, и тень!
О други, призраку не верьте!
Когда дохнёт в нежданный день
Дыханье тлительное смерти,
Мы все поляжем, как хлеба,
Серпом подрезанные в нивах, —
Прими усопшего раба,
Господь, в селениях счастливых!

Иду в незнаемый я путь,
Иду меж страха и надежды;
Мой взор угас, остыла грудь,
Не внемлет слух, сомкнуты вежды;
Лежу безгласен, недвижим,
Не слышу братского рыданья,
И от кадила синий дым
Не мне струит благоуханье;
Но вечным сном пока я сплю,
Моя любовь не умирает,
И ею, братья, вас молю,
Да каждый к Господу взывает:
Господь! В тот день, когда труба
Вострубит мира преставление, —
Прими усопшего раба
В твои блаженные селенья!»

(1852)

Literary Translation/Adaptation by U.R. Bowie

Aleksei Konstantinovich Tolstoy
(1817-1875)

Troparion from the Poem “John Damascene”

What sort of bliss is there in life
That has no truck with earthly grief?
What hoping-waiting is not rife
With vanity, what joy not brief?
All that with toil we have acquired
Is evanescent, fleeting, vain, 
What earthly glory stands not mired
In fickleness, in useless strain?
Ashes all is, shade and smoke,
Like clouds of dust life blows away,
While we stand helpless, void of hope
On day of judgment, Death’s dread day.
The mighty hand now limp, despised,
The tsar’s decrees have force no more,
Receive, O Lord, thy thrall demised
Onto Mount Zion’s blessed shore!

A knight on horseback, Death appeared,
And laid me low, ripped me asunder,
The yawning grave before me leered
And swallowed life once wreathed with wonder.
O save yourselves, my kith and kin,
From rot of grave I call to you,
My friends and brothers, eschew sin,
Look not on hell fire’s dire purview!
Vain life too short soon Death devours,
And when we breathe bereavement’s air,
We fade away like withered flowers,
Why thrash and writhe in that dread snare?
Those once enthroned are soon chastised,
Resplendent mansions are no more,
Receive, O Lord, thy thrall demised
Onto Mount Zion’s blessed shore!

Amidst the heaps of rotting bone
Who’s judge, who’s serf or king?
Who’s found a place in heaven’s home,
And who deserves hell’s baleful sting?
O brothers, where is silver, gold,
Where multitudes of chattel, slaves?
Both rich and poor are as slime mold
Amidst the scores of nameless graves.
All smoke and ashes, dust and rot,
Phantasms, spectres, shades, that’s all,
Alone with God we dwell unfraught,
On His celestial blue atoll.
All carnal flesh will vaporize,
All grandeur will be nevermore, 
Receive, O Lord, the dead, demised
Onto Mount Zion’s blessed shore!

And Thou, who intercedes for all,
Who succors those in grief and pain,
O Holy Mother, hear our call,
Please help the dead who cry in vain.
Theotokos, to Thy Son pray,
Pray unto Him, Dei Mater pure,
That he who’s lived through life’s dismay
Might with his death his griefs immure.
For all is ashes, smoke and rot,
O friends, put not your faith in whimsey.
When that day comes we’re left not aught,
Death breathes on flesh gone dry and flimsy.
We’ll all be mown like fresh-grown wheat,
Cut down, laid low by sickle’s blade.
Receive, O Lord, each thrall discrete
To Zion’s precious promenade!

I tread an unknown path chagrined,
I walk that wire twixt fear and hope;
My breast grown cold, my eyesight dimmed,
I tremble on that dread tightrope.  
I lie stock-still, my voice a croak,
My brother’s sobs I cannot hear,
And not for me the dove-blue smoke
That wafts from censer past my bier.
But though I sleep the timeless rest,
My earthly love will never die,
Please heed, my brethren, this request,
Lift up to God your voice on High:
When mortals, Lord, demoralized,
Hear trumpets sound the judgment call,
Receive, O Lord, the dead, demised
Where joy and rapture conquer all!

 Note by Dimitri Obolensky in the front matter of his Penguin Book of Russian Verse, 1965.
“Count Aleksei Tolstoy, a distant cousin of the renowned novelist and a childhood friend of Tsar Aleksandr II, was a resolute champion of the freedom of art in a utilitarian age. His poetry is idealistic and full of joyful vitality. He excelled in the short sentimental lyric, in the historical ballad, and especially in humorous verse—a field in which he has no peer among Russian poets. The ‘Troparion’ from his long poem John Damascene is a paraphrase of parts of the burial service of the Orthodox Church.”


                                                     "Nasturtiums" by John McCartin

Monday, April 20, 2020

Bobby Goosey's Nonsense Verse The Influence of SHEL SILVERSTEIN "Chester," "My Beard," "Tsk, Tusk"


Bobby Goosey, author of Bobby Goosey's Nonsense Verse for Kids, writes, at times, under the influence of the great Shel Silverstein. Here are some examples.


First Shel Silverstein:



Then Bobby Goosey:




Sunday, April 5, 2020

PODCAST READING AND INTERVIEW WITH U.R. BOWIE, "The Strange Recital"


                                                   THE STRANGE RECITAL
                          "A Podcast about fiction that questions the nature of reality"

The podcast begins with a reading of the beginning of a story by U.R. Bowie, "Such Is the Scent of Our Sweet Opalescence," followed by an interview with the author and reader of the text, U.R. Bowie






https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NZo4T1756s&feature=youtu.be





                        Original Text of the Interview (Varies Slightly from the Recorded Version)



Such is the Scent of Our Sweet Opalescence


BR:      Hello, mister U.R. Bowie! You must get a lot of people making a bad pun on your initials: “And you are….?”

RB:      And who are you? Actually, my real name is Robert Bowie. I always thought it was unique, until I once googled it and found there to be scads of Robert Bowies all over, including one serial killer in the state of Maine. I published three books early on under my own name, but when it came time to start publishing my fiction, I wanted something unique, so I just added the extra initial, U. And the name is unique, except even it does not prevent me from running perpetually into my nemesis on the Internet, David Bowie. Ask me why he’s my nemesis.

Why is he your nemesis?

Because his real name was David Jones, but when he decided to become a pop star he borrowed my last name, without ever bothering to learn how to pronounce it. So that the incorrect pronunciation of my surname has spread wildly now, all over the world, like the coronavirus. It’s BOO-EE, BOO-EE, BOO-EE.

TN:      Thanks for joining us by phone on the podcast. Even if you lived near our studio, which you don’t, we would still have had to do this by phone because of the lovely pandemic that has befallen us. Hope you’re staying safe and healthy.

RB:      Well, I’ve been sheltering in place, hunkering down. Actually, I was already hunkered down about as far as I could get, and then they told me I had to hunker still more. So I’m sheltering and hunkering, and social distancing. Which is easy for me, since I’ve been doing it all my life: social distancing. We introverts know how to “social distance.” Most writers of fiction are that type: basically hermits. Nikolai Gogol was the ultimate extreme in social distancing.

BR:      What we just heard is the opening of a long-ish short story. So give us a rough idea -- where does the story go from here?

RB:
It begins with a guy, UV Lamb, who was hit by lightning and was supposed to die and did not. In not dying at his appointed time, he somehow has violated certain principals of the universe—which says, “Die when your time comes, sucker.” Consequently, he must suffer. So suffer he does, until he suffers his way through to where the story began, and this time he does it right—the way he should have done in the first place. Happy ending.


TN:      I like the fact that your main character, U.V. Lamb, is a professional pataphysician. That’s a job I’ve always wanted. Where can I apply?

RB: Pataphysics is the science of that which is superinduced upon metaphysics. To become a pataphysician you need specialized training in France, where you have to study a lot of books written in French, and listen to a lot of lectures in gobbledygook, given by professors who have read similar deconstructuring gobbledygook in books by Foucault and Blanchot. Stuff about how nothing on earth is real—as if we didn’t already know that. The main character of my story, UV, cannot speak French, but he has somehow picked up the necessary education to land a job at the Interlachen Collider (in North Florida), working not only as patapysician, but also as physics assister/insister and lead quarker. Ask me what a physics assister does.

What does a physics assister do?

A physics assister assists physicists, and a physics insister insists on assisting assisters who assist and insist physicists. There.

BR:      Opalescence… what exactly is that, and what does it smell like?

RB:      The English language is full of beautiful words. Opalescence is one. Another, just to take one example, is acquiescence. That would make a great title for a book: Opalescent Acquiescence. I love the sound of the word, opalescence, the very feel of it. What does it mean? Something opalescent has the look of a pearl, it emits an iridescent shimmer, has a milkiness, like that of an opal. So everything about the word is lovely. How does it taste? Nice. How does it smell? Well, I quote from the story: “that milky-pearly and pinkish kind of smell, reminds me of fresh papaya pulp.”

BR:      I wonder… are you the first to portray Death as a simple country guy from the South who grins too much? Good name -- Delmas W. Pruitt.

RB: Good question. I don’t know exactly where my subconscious mind came up with Delmas Pruitt. He’s not exactly Death, but he is one of Death’s representatives on earth. His job is to do the dirty work of Death and then accompany the demised to the Great By and By. I’m sure there are scads of other writers who have written stories about encounters with the representatives of Death, but I can’t think of any off hand. As for the names in my fictions, I get them all out of the obituary columns in the local newspapers. The obits are full of fascinating, even opalescent people with wonderful names.

TN:      “Such is the Scent of Our Sweet Opalescence” is the title piece from a collection of stories. On the back of the book, it says these stories are, and I quote: “written expressly for readers who disdain the dominant American insipid genre of ‘domestic literary fiction.’” You’re definitely setting yourself as an outsider. Can you say a little more about that?

RB:      Probably should not go into this here, as it sets me off on lengthy rants and raves. I have written at length elsewhere on the sorry state of the American short story. See my book reviews, for example, on the website, Dactyl Review, where I am the contributing editor. Or look at the interviews posted on my personal website, urbowie.com. In brief, I believe, for example, that The New Yorker should stop publishing so much trashy fiction, and that all creative writing programs in all American universities should be abolished.

BR:      I’m taking a cue from your website, where I see you’re a scholar of Russian language and culture… I happen to be reading The Master and Margarita right now, and I know it’s a favorite book of Tom’s. Has Bulgakov been an influence on your work?

RB: That novel, “The Master and Margarita,” was hands down the favorite of all the books I taught back when I was a professor of Russian literature. Take Jesus Christ and a mobster cat, who walks on his hind legs, works for the devil, and shoots a pistol, and put all that together into a love story. As for influence on my own writing, I could name practically all the great Russians, but especially Chekhov, Bunin, Nabokov, Bulgakov, and Gogol, Gogol, Gogol.

TN:      It appears that your latest work is a spy novel that comes in two thick volumes. Give us a quick glimpse of that story, if you can.

RB: Yes, that’s by far the longest book I’ve written. It’s not exactly a spy novel, but more like a takeoff on a spy novel. I know a little bit about spookery, because back when I was in the army I used to be a spook, doing field work for the None Such Agency. What I’ve done with this book is take a lot of my own experiences and fictionalize them. The book, in a word, tells the story of a semi-spook recruited to work with Russian intelligence operatives in Central Asia, back when everyone was searching for Osama bin Laden. While waiting in Samarkand for something to happen—nothing does—the semi-spook goes back to his childhood and tells the story of how his life in spookery began. He brings that story gradually up to the present, to the day when he boards a Russian helicopter that is off to pick up Osama, to purchase him from a group of Islamic terrorists who hold him in an open-air cage in the desert.

BR:      If you had to identify a core philosophy or two that are essential to your fiction, what would they be?

RB: “Core philosophy” is maybe too highfalutin to describe my fiction. I guess the main thing is that I always have had an intense love for words. Кто я? Я филолог. Что делает филолог? Филолог любит. Что любит филолог? Филолог любит СЛОВА. I have a Ph.D. in Russian language and literature. I’m a philologist, a practitioner of philology. It’s all there in the very word. From “philos” (love) and “logos” (word). No one without an intense love for words should be writing creative literary fiction. Okay, maybe it’s okay to write fiction, but don’t pretend that the words “creative,” and “literary” apply. Unless you love words. That’s the one prerequisite.

TN:      Back to what's on everybody's mind... how is our current condition of self-quarantine affecting your work and your life?

RB: I sit here writing books every day, same as always. As I mentioned before, I’m hunkered down about as far as I can get, so I can’t hunker down any farther. Then again, I’ve always been afflicted with chronic anxiety, so the virus can’t elevate the anxiety much more. In a word, I’m fine! Then again, I pay close attention to all the medical advisories put out by the office of Mike (The Dense) Pence. Here’s one that came out this morning: “HELP STOMP OUT THE PLAGUE. If you see a virus bug flying through the air, put on medical surgical latex gloves, grab the virus, put it on the ground, and stomp on it. Three times. God bless America.”

BR:      Thank you, Robert. We appreciate your time and your contribution to our podcast. Take care.

TN:      I hope the grocery store isn’t all out of papaya. I want to sniff some opalescence.

RB:      Sniff, sniff, sniff . . . Ahhhhhhhh.


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